Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
