I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
try to milk me bitch
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
