Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
