You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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