nut hugger
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
