alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
