you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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