vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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