JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
