R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
