cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
