oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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