If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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