Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
