i would punch a child for taco bell
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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