Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
