So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
