Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
