My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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