yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
