there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
