hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
