Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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