I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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