so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
