she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
