Can i not drive my cunt home
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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