Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
