I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
