i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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