Porn is love you can see.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
