We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Randomize
