Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
