I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
organizing the empties. That sober.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
