To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
