just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
