FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
