I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
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