You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
