two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
