what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
