Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
