Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
