I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
