"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
