Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
