chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
