I just cut my nipple shaving
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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