i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
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