Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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