Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
