I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
