He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
