Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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